Hail Poetry, From Pirates of Penzance

For the sung version of this check out the link below. 

One of my favorite movies from years ago and still classic.

https://youtu.be/JQKhdzgDU58?si=2oMt0gfPGxBaQ2lI

Although our dark career

Sometimes involves the crime of stealing,

We rather think that we're

Not altogether void of feeling.

Although we live by strife,

We're always sorry to begin it,

For what, we ask, is life

Without a touch of Poetry in it?

 

Hail, Poetry, thou heaven-born maid!

Thou gildest e’en the pirate’s trade:

Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!

All hail, Divine Emollient!

--WS Gilbert

Poetically Aging: Part One

EGGMAN

(A spin-off of Dopeman by N.W.A.)

First verse only

 

It was once said by a Karen who wouldn’t  quit

Eggman why is only one Carton it

The store director came by interrupting the two

Said it’s all about this stupid avian flu

She kept complaining even took out her iphone

They didn’t care cuz soon they were goin home

That's the way it goes when you’re working retail

trying to be good ends up being a fail

Millions of eggs  is an omelette heaven

We open at 6 and we close at 11

We’re trying to make money, no eggs we are hating

If you don’t see one just keep on waiting

Working in a store in San Jose, C A

Feeling overworked and under paid

We got eggs coming in soon whiter than my teeth

Two pallets coming tomorrow on the 15th

They cost a lot nothing less than a twenty

Yo, you want a carton? Oh, the eggman's got plenty

To be an eggman, boy, you must be wack

You’ll have to take them back if you find a crack

It’s only one carton not two or three

If it doesn’t ring up of course it’s not free

You’ll get a great deal if you do not beg

If you see someone getting money for an egg he’s the

If I Was President

Not much into politics but then again I thought “what if.” You're probably thinking “there goes the neighborhood.” lol
 

“Why do you think you could make a good president?”

First of all I’m young though I wish I was younger

I’d find a cure for aids, cancer, and would end world hunger

Homelessness would be a word from the past

As I lower the prices for our nations gas

And create more homes but you need to be working

I’d stop a lot of crimes keep predators from lurking

Have  punishments for parents who aren’t helping their kids graduate

Focus on loving one another and try to bring an end to world hate

It’s a hard job but listen and bear witness

as I focus on providing better education and fitness

Racist cops would be in prison

For their crimes both past and present

That’s what I would do as your new  president

Now I don’t have a good talent or even a good voice

For President nowadays I wish we somehow had a third choice

And I’d be that person

Teach our kids to be better humans lighten up on the cursin

If I can’t be a choice I’d like to do what California did

And put out all sorts of names like Gary Coleman from Different Strokes yeah that kid

Yeah I know he passed away but I’d be listing off lots of celebrities

Nothing funny at all like for President Ronald McDonald or even Chuck E Cheese

See I’d vote for Denzel Washington, Will Ferrell, Jim Carey, or even Harrison Ford

I’m a Christian who loves Jesus my savior and Lord

Try to put His name on any voting paper

I’d increase our technology and create the worlds very first lightsaber

My pronouns are him, himself, and he

I identify as an artist or no wait maybe I’m the autobot bumblebee

Cuz I’m always blasting my music always ready to roll out

Always proving haters wrong and proving without a doubt

That I’m actually a cool and smooth person

no need for transformation

I drive a 2016 Ford Fusion for my transportation

I love hip hop so I’ll make it a criteria

That we bring back good beats and lyrics instead of this diareah

Im not too much into mumble rap but if that is your thing

Go ahead keep flowing Mc Queen or king

Speaking of queens let me introduce your First Lady

She’s a bit overweight like me but she still drives me crazy

Our daughter has a lot of straight A’s and she’s a black belt in taekwondo

I try to tell a lot of people that messing with her is a no no

We have five cats and that’s all I have to say about that

Maybe we will get a dog when we’re down to our last cat

I worked retail most of my life, so I’d make sure to give retailers a raise

Cuz Sometimes it’s hard when you’re dealing with certain people nowadays

If you don’t believe me, go to a store and look for a Karen

As for the environment, I’d make sure nothing is baren

Green grass! our country would kick ass when it comes to terrorism

I know the Bible says to turn the other cheek but also as a Christian

There’s a time and a place that when you get hit in the face you strike back

I’d see Christian guidance if I appeared to look bad or seem like I don’t know how to act

I’ll be the worlds best president in so many years

I reduce most fears as I keep praying to the one who wipes all tears

I might be tempted, though when people say, Mr. President, we would like to have a word

That I’d turn back and face them Probably give them the bird

But that’s where my counselor steps in my baby my wife

Then if I don’t help her to be happy, I’ll have a crappy life

I’d make it easier and cheaper  for all families to go to Disneyland and Help their employees to have a better time

As president you will see in this century a great drop in suicides and crime

As we focus on what it means to be a human

Feed the world, truth, love, and more than this crap we’re consumin

I might hire Ice T and Ice cube to help with police brutality

Put everything back on the right track where our world should be

I’ll make sure to find every cure for what’s going on in this life and how our money is spent

But that’s just me imagining what could be as your president

I would LOVE to take Foreigners song, "I Wanna Know What Love Is" and somehow turn it into a rap. Here's how it would go:

 

I feel my life just slipping away

every second, every minute, every hour of the day

Maybe they’d love me if I won the lottery

Maybe they’d love me if I was famous like JayZ

I wrote a song called Don’t You Quit but now I’m quitting

Gotta work out but I’m sick so I’m sitting

Don’t see my future ever turning bright

Shows over, curtain call, turn off the light

Everybody went home because nobody really wanted to show up

Thought life would be better as a grown up

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Famous and more

Never thought I’d be so fat, lost, and sore

Jesus I know you’re out there watching me

Keep my mind focused on eternity

My addictions, my sin, is killin this man

I wanna know what love is help me understand

 

I see a light at the end of this tunnel

I see a blue sky, such beauty!

I see your hands and the nail marks in them

Jesus come and rescue me

 

It’s not easy living this life

It’s not easy when your heart is stone

Help me know that you are with me

Help me cause I feel alone

 

Great now I probably got you feeling depressed

Heads hurting like mine but you’re not sick, you’re stressed. But you give it your best.

Gotta keep feeding the family before it’s an empty nest

I see you Trying to work hard day after day

Hated by many you think but you gotta make that pay

Maybe your job isn’t as bad as it seems

Still hustling to obtain your dreams

Keep going a lot of people are counting on you

A few hours and soon you can say you’re through

Head back home drink wine or spend time getting ready for bed

Rest now. Quiet music for your head.

Leave your worries that came at your way

Know that everything is gonna be ok

As for me all I ask is for your hand

I wanna know what love is help me understand

 

Chorus

 

Yeah I love that song by Foreigner and I hope you do as well

It makes me feel a bit better when I feel like Hell

I think it was once used for SPCA

where they showed puppies and other dogs not looking ok

I think at times I’m like that sad four legger

Looking up in the sky like a blind old beggar

begging for Jesus to come kneel down and cure me

Help me live long and not die too early

I wanna walk my daughter down the aisle

See her future kid or kids and just smile

Give me a moment give me a vision

I feel your power raising me up speak and I’ll listen

I don’t need riches after all is what you’re saying

As for billions of fans I got you when I’m praying

And you’re all I really need when my hourglass is empty of sand

What is love? You are. Now I understand.

Poetically Aging: Part Two

Mr. “Could-You, Would You.”

March 21st, 2025

 

“Hey!

Could you,

would you

go get this?

Hey! Could you,

would you

go get that?

Don’t talk to me. Mind your own business.

You’re so annoying and also fat.”

 

“Could-you,

Would-you

Move out of my way

I’m trying to give mom a hug.

Mom, I hope you have a great day

Could you

would you

kill that bug?”

 

“Could you

would you

Clean up my mess

Could you

would you?

Get my food.

Mom, I love you, thank you for this dress

Talk to him?!  I’m not in the mood.”

 

“Could you

Would you

Go away! Mom, he is bothering me!

Could you

Would you

Just let me read. I’m really busy can’t you see?”

 

Could you

Would you

Drive us to eat and get me the drink that I really want

Could you

Would you

Just Drive. I don’t wanna talk. Look! You just passed the Restaraunt.

 

Could you

Would you

Go get me the remote? We want to watch some TV

Could you

Would you

Just go away. This show is only for mom and me

 

Could you

Would you

Drop me off at my friends then pick me up at the mall

Could you

Would you

drive me home and not say anything at all

 

Could you

Would you

Hurry up. You’re the reason why I’m  late

Could you

Would you

Leave me at home so you and mom could have a date

 

Could you

Would you

Put away that list of all the things you’ve done for us

Could you

Would you

Put your car keys away. I’d rather just take Uber or the  bus

 

Could you

Would you

Stop dancing with mom again. You look really weird and funny

Could you

Would you

Just stop. Mom! He’s smiling and saying that he loves me

 

Could you

Would you

Stop playing all those old videos of you and I having fun

Could you

Would you

Go get mom. As for showers you’re the last one

 

Could you

Would you

Just turn those off. Look! At him. He fell.’ “WAAAA! boo hoo!”

Could you

Would you

Get off the floor. MOM! What am I supposed to do?

 

Could you

Would you

Get up and listen

Could you

Would you

Stop messing around

Mom, he won’t move when I punch and kick him

He is just lying there on the ground

 

Could you

Would you

Say something to me. Tell me why mom is so sad!

Could you

Would you

Come back to life

and

hug me.

I’m

sorry.

I miss and love you…dad.

Fact Not Fiction (an idea for a future rap). February 2025

I was born in January 1970 Call me a Capricorn.

Funky, fresh in the flesh since the day I was born

Yeah I’m usin what is called old school rap vocabulary

Spittin out my rhymes which I feel is necessary

I’m stylin just like my friend Otis

Don’t wanna ever be the POTUS

Educated by rap in the 80’s, the Bible, and also guns and roses

So come on Bring that beat back, I lead the pack and then I  attack

I got a Ford FUsion not a Tesla or a Cadillac

Hammer taught me to dance, I got smooth from the late Heavy D

everyday is a treasure this rhyme is my g-I-f-t

Its fact not fiction that my addiction is hip hop

Some artists soundin like a leaky faucet goin drip drop

Well I’m your plumber crappers and I’m straight layin down the pipe

I get hype, my rhymes are ripe, my first album was a protype

 

Fact! I’m goin broke on this

Fact! I was in show business

Fact! I prayed to God to kill me cuz I was stuck in hopelessness

Fact: this rhyme will always hit

Fact: I will never quit

Fact is that whatever haters say I’m way above all it

Listen. This is fact not FICTION

 

Now Here’s the part where I take your brain and slowly begin to dissect

As I give you lyrical juice to help you with your intellect

Bars from a middle aged man who’s Doin this the best that I can

Beats hittin again and again from here in Cali to Japan

My lyrics are smooth while yours are broken probably from the crap you’re smokin

I’m from the Bay Area what up fremont and also Oakland

Thanks to those in San Jo, Drop the bass and let’s go

I’m lyrically physically and spiritually stronger everyone shout out Ho

I Take this game very seriously, I make a plan

Then make a move

I live the dream with my team scorin points with every grove

let us pray

they can’t take your dream away

Focus on your passion it’s gonna be a brighter day

ITS Fact not fiction and this rap is gettin hot

prepare for war and then go show em what  you got

I circle everyone that tells me that I’m  a has been

Reach up for

the basket slam dunk I made another win

 

Fact! I’m goin broke on this

Fact! I was in show business

Fact! I prayed to God to kill me cuz I was stuck in hopelessness

Fact: this rhyme will always hit

Fact: I will never quit

Fact is whatever haters say but I’m way above all it

Listen. What you’re doing is FICTION

 

I should have taken my dreams

Seriously when I was a teenager

Hangin out with the goats and not be a stranger

I’d be rapping with the best of them

Doin jams that came out before Eminem

Rapping Break the grip of Shame with Paris

Chillin with ladies like Queen Latifah and also Little Kim

As we lift up hip hop in UNITY

U-N-I-T-Y cuz that’s what we need to be

See? We’re all in the same gang no need for self destruction

No need to stop my rhyme my depression is the only obstruction

I’m lookin at my life wondering what the hell is my problem

Hit by bullets of depression and I couldn’t dodge em

But I’m seeing the light now and I know I’ll be alright

As the walls try to close on me squeezin me holding me tight

Thanks to all my fans who help me out when I hit the wall

Thanks for being with me I really appreciate you all

There’s haters out there let them keep on itchin

While I spit out facts amongst all of their fiction

Eeyore or maybe MeYore not sure

I wrote this on napkins last tme we went to Disneyland. 2024

I hope everyone is having a great day

If it is a day

I hope you’re all ok

And I hope wether you are rich or you’re poor

Your heart will soar

As for me, it won’t, cuz I’m Eeyore

 

I’m a fly in the ointment, a big disappointment

When people see me they wonder where my joy went

 

First of all I see a  lot of you just walking past me

It’s ok. I’m not hurt. There’s probably someone else you’d rather see

And Disney please don’t sue Muddwolf For making a song called Eeyore

He’s broke and I just have a pile of sticks for a home and when that’s gone I won’t have anything anymore

But whatever do what you want you know leave me broke and Take all that I have

After all I feel like my life’s a joke and well I forgot to laugh

Yeah I’m Eeyore you know the donkey from Winnie the Pooh

I’m not trying to get you to feel down or make you feel blue

It’s just something I was always created to be and to do

I don’t drink but I think now I really should do this

Depression keeps hitting me I guess I just have to get used to this

I can’t believe that this middle aged guy actually wrote this rhyme

Maybe I should call security and have him arrested for some kind of crime

It’s bad enough that he did this song

Just another sad thing to add to this year that’s  goin wrong

But don’t blame him It’s all my fault I’m Eeyore and feel like I’m always to blame

Wish Tigger would stop bouncing that dude is really insane

I know what you’re thinking oh great another depressing song

But don’t worry things will get better, I doubt it, but please sing along

 

My name is Eeyore. Has the world gone insane? The crazy thing is I’m like you just crying in the rain.

My name is Eeyore. That’s right it is me. I was written by an author and now I work for Disney.

My name is Eeyore.

 

I wish we could live in a world free of hurt and no one calls anyone a name

Look We only have one life to live so be happy and I’ll try to do the same

I could use a hug now not a drug ow cuz I have tried every antidepressant

My ten therapists told me I should go to the store and buy myself a present

But what good would that do?

The only present I want in the world is you.

But I you’re too busy

I always wonder if the world or anyone would  miss me

And I know you can’t be mine, that’s fine I’m still around here if you need anyone?

Life is a short road and all of us can only walk one mile then we’re done

Please smile By doing that you make the whole world shine

I don’t have a lot of things or a lot friends but I got a name Eeyore and that name is mine

sure I’m pessimistic gloomy and always feeling like crap

But now look at me I’m a star at Disney and my name is now a rap

or soon will be

once this guy gets home makes a beat hits thanks for doing this for me

Even though no one will like this song But that’s ok I’m gonna stay strong

And don’t worry things will get better, I doubt it, but please sing along

 

My name is Eeyore. Has the world gone insane? The crazy thing is I’m like you just crying in the rain.

My name is Eeyore. That’s right it is me. I was written by an author and now I’m here at Disney.

My name is Eeyore.

 

Id like to thank Pooh, Piglet, Owl, Kanga Roo, Tigger, and Rabbit

I have my tail back and I’m glad to have it

It stinks sometimes when you lose a part of yourself like a tail

You feel like you lost all hope and you feel like you’ll always fail

But I do have friends and so do you

And We can make it through this life just think of me cuz I’m thinking of you

I know that a lot of times life can be hard but a lot of times it can be good

I know you may feel lost in a forest like me in the 100 acre wood

But with friends there’s just no stoppin

I feel uplifted by my friends like Christopher Robin

I don’t feel down as much. You know when I seem like a grump?

I don’t feel afraid like Pooh seeing a Hefflelump

So thank you everyone for hearing me. All of you I adore

Lift your head up and try not to be like me Eeyore

You’ll be fine. Think about that the whole day long

Thanks again everyone now back to the chorus in my sad song